Why Privacy Matters a Lot to Women

Ansh -

So, M & I had a good argument (not a fight) on privacy concerns. M suggested me not to put private life on public display. I understand where it is coming from. But I asked M two questions in response:

a) Didn’t you know I’m a public servant before marrying? You should know what you are getting yourself into- it’s not all roses and there are no free lunches. There’s a heavy price I and my family pay for the perks.

The greater the distance between us, the higher the salary and privileges.

b) Did you really think there’s a ‘private’ life anymore - We’re in an age of AI, soon AGI; and IG (Instagram) and GM (Google Maps). They track everything. They know a lot about us, our likes, where we go, etc. Their reasons are valid when I put myself in their shoes.

So, Privacy is a myth these days. Just like some companies use greenwashing to sell more, some use ‘privacy-washing’ to sell more when in reality nothing is private.

But M told me to be kept out of this and not share anything M-related.

I told M that I cannot write about the following:

a) Politics because you know!
b) Relationships because why display ‘private’ life
c) Mental Health because why reveal vulnerabilities

and so on...

What will I write about then! God is one and we are all one and I am the one!

I can’t write poems all the time.

Someone, either from family or friends or well-wishers are bound to get offended with what I write. And I totally get that it's not their fault to feel offended or dislike what I write. It's all about conditioning. Just like I am conditioned by my heroes to write what's on my mind.

But if I think of those people every time I share anything online I’ll be paralyzed.

Putting Myself in Her Shoes

I tried to understand her perspective. Why is she so fixated on privacy (despite her rational mind knowing it doesn’t exist anymore)?

And I got this answer in a single sentence:

Women have been given this immense gift of creation by existence. They are the real ‘creators’. Men are just 'carriers'. Women have an innate sense of responsibility to protect and respect that gift. It’s not just learned during growing up. It is a software that is pre-installed by existence. It’s like existence or life trying to protect itself (and a state can’t call itself progressive unless it can protect and respect this wish of existence to protect and respect both children and women).

Why am I hell-bent on baring it all (My shoes)

I wrote this in college:

Girls build walls,
But when they fall,
They bare it all.

I used to be a girl (I still am). I had built up walls all my life till the pressure cooker burst in 2016 (that’s why my love for teaching or helping kids, especially introverts, because I don’t want them to go through the same ordeal).

Post-breakdown, I decided to gradually become naked and bare it all. I went on a life-transforming pilgrimage to Spiti in August 2017 on an astrophotography tour (where I felt the Milky Way and my friend Buddha up close with my naked eyes for the first time).

I am proud of this photo. I use it everywhere. Clicked somewhere in Spiti, HP, India. "Clouds" dispersing and "Sun" coming out just from the "heart" of my friend.
Overlapped two pictures. One in the backround of Milky Way and second in the foreground of "NN" spinning the steelwool in his hands. Long exposure giving the impression that there is a "solid" self when it is just an illusion. Clicked somewhere in Spiti, HP, India

I made great friends on that trip, one of whom, ’S’, encouraged me to start a blog in 2019 before writing a book on mental health issues.

After returning from Spiti, I did two things:

  1. registered the domain “youareeverywhere.in” from my friend’s house, let's call him "Light or Diya". I told him I want to share everything I’ve written so far, as it is, like scanned copies of my handwritten notes. It was not until 2019 when my dream to live in the mountains came true that I started sharing my compositions online!
Funny why I hid the Customer Number and my real name! Smells of hypocrisy, no?
  1. shared a YouTube video titled “You are Everywhere- A Short Film” with my closest friends, many of whom mocked it (Yes, I was high on the Mighty Himalayas!).

Second, reading autobiographies and biographies of amazing people and watching interviews of my heroes open up makes me feel less isolated, suffocated, and like I belong. So, if I open up with my struggles online maybe someone else, who is feeling down and out currently, may relate and feel a sense of belonging.

That feeling of belonging and community is essential for us men to stay sane in this society where we must keep everyone around us happy.

We must keep our parents, partners, children, and bosses happy every day.

When will we be happy?

Three Requests to M

First request: Let me write openly

It’s how I survive.
It’s how I’ll thrive.

Meanwhile, I’ll try my best to be as diplomatic and private as possible (I removed that personal post from my WA channel and blog on your request, well it sounded like an order :-D).

Second request: Trust the process

To get rid of our insecurities and fears,
The solution isn’t to run away from them,
The only way out is through.

Third request: Listen to “I Won’t Let You Go”

“The Messenger” whenever doubts arise.

To all of you,

I request you to trust existence or the process more than anything else like nothing else matters.

And always remember that life is short (or long) so live it well.

Easier said than done, right?